In a house in Bristol. Outside – the van. Inside, unseen by the enthusiastic consumers of The Spotless Leopard, the Lowly Web Designer and Louise Abel sit at a table made from locally resalvaged wood. They eat delicious food from someone else’s van. Dawn is breaking and they are tired.
Ok. You have to tell them about yourself. The public wants to know.
I hate this stuff. Why do I have to talk about myself? It’s so self involved. Do people really like all that personal rubbish?
Look Louise. I have a lot of power. It is important that you are nice to me. And part of being nice to me involves cooperating and writing this last bloody page so that we can both go bloody home.
Ok fine but why is it about me? It should be about ‘we’.
No, ‘we’. Me and the van. Obviously. And my highly esteemed and well remunerated immigrant workers.
Ok fine. Tell me about ‘we’. Excluding me.
Well it’s all about the food. We want to make beautiful, delicious, healthy, ethical food. We don’t want to compromise on anything. We want to be absolutely proud of what we serve – and in order for this to happen the food has to be ethical. We want it to make people feel good – so we put a lot of effort into sourcing local, simple and organic ingredients and making it as healthy as possible. Oh my god these are all such clichés. But this is what we strive for. Fresh. Simple. Pure. Ethical.
[Exasperated] Thank you! Was that really so hard?
Is there anything else?
Yeah – all our containers are biodegradable. But if you bring your own container we’ll knock 5p off the price.